he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
