Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
