She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
