Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
