You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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