I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
