I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
