bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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