there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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