It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
