Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
