pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
