my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
