Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
