Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
foreskin is a definite game changer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
