someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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