take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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