bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
