So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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