her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
