Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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