I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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