new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
