omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
