I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
