so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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