after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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