Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
