Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
