We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
