I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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