Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
