Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
