i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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