Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
