i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
