Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
