Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
