it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
