i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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