At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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