Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
