his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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