I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
