Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
