This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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