i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
