So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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