In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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