okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
